What do we do when we find ourselves resistant to our meditation practice? For people who meditate regularly, or who would like to, resistance is an all-too-familiar companion on the path. We all know the kinds of stories that our mind tells us—that we are too tired, or too restless, that we are not in the right frame of mind, that we will do it later—but going ahead and practising anyway, in spite of the resistance we feel, can be one of the most useful times to practice of all.
Resistance can become a valuable guide. Sometimes, for example, it can signal to us that we would benefit from a change in our approach to practice and what arises within it. Perhaps we have been somehow turning our practice into a struggle, for example by battling to silence a busy mind (never a good strategy!) or to suppress an uncomfortable feeling or emotion.
If we sense this might be the case, it can be useful to inquire, 'What feeling or aspect of my experience am I trying to avoid?'. As well as the more obvious candidates, such as grief, fear, anger or anxiety, we can also be seeking to avoid experiencing relatively more subtle mind states, such as boredom, agitation, drowsiness or worry. When these arise in meditation, we can easily think that something has gone wrong in some way, that we are not doing it right, and that there is no point in even trying.
In mindfulness meditation, however, we practice turning towards our experience rather than trying to push it away. Bringing a sense of curiosity towards these feelings and mind states transforms our relationship with our experience, from one in which are resisting something that is perceived to be 'in the way' to one in which we investigate—ideally even welcome—our present moment experience. Even in the presence of discomfort, agitation or the like, we can ask with genuine curiosity, "I wonder what it will be like to sit with these feelings, to experience myself this way".
The fact is that a big chunk of our life is spent resisting in one way or another. Whether it be resistance in the form of not wanting to do something (get out of bed, pay a bill, start a task or chore) or resistance in the form of wanting something that has already begun to end sooner (a journey, our work day, a phase of our life), we can so easily be caught up in fighting the unavoidable.
Practice gives us the opportunity to make friends with these mind states, which is a necessary step on the path towards liberating us from the negative impact that they have upon us. If within our practice we can learn to sit with our agitation, to breathe with it, to give it our kind attention, we can learn what it means to have the option not to be controlled by it.
Very often, resistance is all story and very little substance. How often does it happen that for weeks or months we put off doing something (filling in our tax return, sending an email, starting a project), in so doing tainting our life with that pervasive background feeling of unease, only to find that when it comes down to it, the object of our resistance was not so unpleasant after all. The task in question can even turn out to be quite enjoyable, or at the very least getting it done can usually bring a sense of satisfaction or of being on top of things.
So too with meditation practice: it is often the simple act of lowering ourselves onto the cushion that we resist, but once we are down there we may realise just how much we needed to sit quietly and let it all be. So when you next feel resistance, try just agreeing with yourself to sit for a few minutes, and then see where that takes you. Often you will find that you are happy to sit for the full duration.
Sometimes, of course, what you experience or label as resistance can have an important message for you, and some validity. Perhaps you really are too exhausted and in need of rest or sleep. Perhaps you have other responsibilities or important matters that you need to attend to. To discern when to listen to resistance and when to 'feel the resistance and do it anyway', it is helpful to know your tendency: are you someone who pushes themselves at the expense of their needs, or someone who is too quick to find an excuse not to follow through with a commitment?
A little experimentation is also helpful: sometimes doggedly following through with an intention to sit, whilst at other times shortening or adapting your practice (perhaps doing mindful movement or a bodyscan instead of sitting), or missing it out altogether. Caution is needed, however, because momentum and consistency are so very useful in establishing a regular practice, and so telling yourself that you will at least sit for a few minutes as described above is an invaluable strategy.
A final point to consider is that resistance can be a sign that our practice is right where it needs to be, that we are on the verge of something interesting. Resistance can be the last-ditch attempt to self sabotage as we come close to freeing ourselves from an unhelpful pattern… if we can only stick with it.
So next time resistance strikes as you make your journey down to sit on the cushion, take heart, and see what happens if you can turn the whole thing on its head, welcoming whatever feelings and mind states are there, investigating them with renewed curiosity and interest. Your resistance will likely dissolve.
